A Ghastly, Ghostly, Frightening Afternoon at the Haikulodeon

Here’s this week’s headless heap of haikus:

(Ding-Dong!)  Trick or Treat!!
“Who are YOU supposed to be?!”
(Candy dropped in bags.)

Life is but a dream,
and in dying we awake
un-departed souls

Just because you’re dead,
doesn’t mean you can’t be chic.
This is Haunt Couture …

(Photo courtesy Kristina Rebelo)

The divide between
life and death now weakened, the
dead walk among us.

Creaky door opens …
two bony hands emerge and
grab her by the throat!!

An ode to Autumn:
midst the dead and dying lies
hope for the future.

( Photograph courtesy of my neighbor and friend, Libby Kessman..)

My cats liked to hide
in my kitchen cupboards, to
scare my old girlfriend.

This week included National Cat Day!  ) ( Here is a look back at two of my cats. They loved, among other things, hiding in cupboards.) 

Carving pumpkins? Yuck.
Giving ‘treats’ to neighbor kids?  …
Who needs Halloween?

Wet leaves line the street,
pedestrians wear jackets.
brisk autumn morning.

double haiku:

Once upon a clock,
a tick began to tock, and
so Time marches on …

Will you please turn back?
Your clocks that is, this weekend.
Too much daylight saved!

(This weekend ends Daylight Saving for another year. Don’t forget to turn your clocks back!)

They spent All Souls Day,
still stuck in Purgatory.
Heaven help them … please.

Bags full of candy,
(‘Goodies’ gleaned on Halloween),
Seldom last a week.

Sibling rivalries
get bitter when it comes to
Halloween candy.

The huddled masses,
enlightened by Liberty
shall cast off their chains.

(This week in 1886, France formally presented the Statue of Liberty to the United States.)

tanka haiku:

From the cab of his
pickup, he could see the smoke
rise from the chimney.

It was nearly sunrise and
he could not wait for coffee

A simple haiku
holds the universe within
and reveals the soul.

Come Winter, the trees
are merely shelves for snowflakes,
biding time till Spring.

tanka hai-clue-less:

Ev’ry so often
he got a prank call that he
did not understand.

Why would teenagers care if
Prince Albert was in a can?

At the O.K. Corral,
The Clantons found living in
Tombstone can hurt you.

(This week in 1881 … The Gunfight at the OK  Corral with Wyatt Earp and Doc Holliday et al.)

Sweet love’s gone away.
Where I do not know.  I just
pray she will return.

When snow has fallen,
please keep this one fact in mind;
it can not get up.

Tis no surprise that
loveliness knows loneliness;
looks intimidate.

I dug a well deep,
so deep I became unwell
be well, stay shallow

In the corner sat
a haunted piano, which
played only lost chords.

We’re Brimstone Bank, When
your assets have gone to Hell,
we have a branch there….

Sunday ev’ning and
I dread the week to come; full
moon and rising tides.

Batten your hatches,
stock up on food and water.
Hurricane’s comin’!

Flood waters subside,
leaving a sobering thought;
We’re vulnerable.

 Make your teabags steep.
If gradually inclined,
tea will get cozy.

In an oblong tin,
he kept his oolong tea … A
thin tin type tea tin.

Remember; Thousands
of things will go RIGHT for you,
ev’ry single day.

Hopefully a new
bed will be what will give you
the rest of your life.

(Apologies to Sleepy’s mattress store for stealing their tagline.)

A storm was coming,
It was a very dark night,
Hang on, Mexico!

Wishing on a star
might not get you very far …
Play the lottery.

On October 27, 1954 … The first Disney program aired on TV:  FYI – That’s Cliff Edwards (Ukulele Ike) singing ‘When you Wish Upon a Star.’)

Twenty-six miles … all
you think about is stopping
and … sleeping Monday.`

( Sunday is the NYC Marathon!!  Good luck runners!! )

In Spondyville, at this time of year, everyone is doing The Spondy Spasm!

The Spondy Spasm
(to the tune of: The Monster Mash)

I was working at the Spondyville morgue one night,
When my eyes beheld an eerie sight,
A dead Spondy from his slab began to rise,
And suddenly to my surprise …

He began to spasm,
He did the Spondy Spasm,

The Spondy Spasm,
All that protoplasm,
Doin’ the Spondy Spasm,
I mean, it really has ’em,
He does the spasm.
He does the Spondy Spasm,

From the SAA in Sherman Oaks,
To the haunted houses of some Spondyville folks,
Spondy zombies rise from their deadly delusions,
To get their Remicade infusions,

And then they spasm,
They do the Spondy spasm,
The Spondy spasm,
back in that graveyard chasm,
They do the spasm,
It has her and it has ’em,
They twitch and spasm,
They do the Spondy spasm,

While Spondy-zombies were out walking the dead,
The Psoriatics were left scratching their heads,
They were holding a party and invited the ‘regs’,
The ‘undifferentiated’ and the ‘sero-negs’,

The scene was rockin’, all were digging the fray,
“Pops” on drums, wearin’ his purple beret,
Marie Strumpell and Stiffy sang amidst the gore,
With their backup group, “The Spine-Fuser Four”

They sang “The Spasm”,
They sang “The Spondy Spasm”,
They twitched and spasmed,
So you’d never razz ’em,
The Spondy spasm,
All that ectoplasm,
The Spondy spasm,

So when you’re itchin’,
And keep on twitchin’,
You’re doin’ The Spondy Spasm


And finally … This reminder:

This weekend in Spondyville, the little town that Time forgot, but Spondylitis remembered … Spondyville’s town handyman, “Pops” DeMaupassant, will once again climb the rickety ladder to the tower high atop the Spondyvile Town Hall and re-set the town clock, which marks the official end of Daylight Savings Time in Spondyville for another year.

You might remember that 2013 was supposed to be “Pops” final time re-setting the clock, but in 2014, his young assistant, Todd Tripzen-Stumbles lived up to his name and broke his ankle. So “Pops” was asked to come out of retirement and do the time change as he has so many times in the past.  This year, the ever imaginative Mr. Tripzen-Stumbles dropped a tray of Belgian Waffles on his feet while serving a table of nuns at last weekend’s charity breakfast to raise money for the Uriah Stoop Middle School’s Girls Field Hockey team.  This resulted in at least two broken feet and an inability to climb a ladder, so once again, “Pops” was called back to duty.  As always, a small crowd will gather across the street in Ankylosinger Square to watch “Pops” perform his task at 2AM on Sunday morning. This loyal group of Spondyville residents will yell encouragement and remind “Pops” to “Fall Back!” (This vocal “reminder” was deemed necessary after the 2001 incident, when “Pops” mistakenly set the clock forward in the fall and back in the spring, thus confusing everyone for the entire year.)

You might also recall that tragedy was averted three years ago, when “Pops” again set the clock forward one hour instead of back. The helpful crowd yelled up to him, “Fall Back, Fall Back!!”, but “Pops”, who had come straight from an all-night “Simon Sez” session over at the Senior Center, had a flashback to earlier in the evening, and proceeded to literally ‘fall back’ … off of the ladder … even though the crowd had not said “Simon Sez” … Fortunately, he grabbed the hands of the clock as he fell, which re-set the clock to the proper time (and made him look a bit like an aging Harold Lloyd in “Safety Last” … but never mind that. )  Pops then had the good sense to hold on for dear life until the local EMS unit arrived to pry his hands off the clock and take him to the ER for “observation.” (Where the young ER doctor looked at him, rolled his eyes, threw up his hands and sent him home …)

Hopefully, this weekend, “Pops” will once again remember that the yelling of the crowd refers to what he is supposed to do with the clock and not what to do while on the ladder.

And, as per tradition, “Pops” will perform his task while uttering his
now famous slogan, “An hour saved is a minute earned sixty times.”

Meanwhile, his erstwhile replacement, Todd Tripzen-Stumbles, a recent graduate of Spondyville High School for the non-performing arts, will offer his assistance, if needed, by simultaneously holding the ladder for “Pops” and doing a life twitter feed of the event.

For the “100 percenters” in the crowd, (Spondyvilleans who are totally fused), there are, of course, prism binoculars available, donated by the Marie Strumpell Charitable Foundation, which makes it easier to watch Pops’ antics atop the ladder.

Coffee and crullers will be provided for all by the adjacent Spondy Cafe.
Music will be provided by Magnolia Fox and her band of miscreants.

Officer Floyd Crimp (aka ‘Flatfoot Floyd, the fused fuzz.’ aka ‘Officer Crimp, the cop with the limp.’), asks all residents of Spondyville to make sure they toss their uneaten donuts into the “Crullers for Coppers” barrel outside the post office, AND remember to set YOUR clocks back one hour on Saturday night.

P.S. Todd Tripzen-Stumbles is, of course, the great-grandson of Spondyville pioneer, Andrew Tripzen. As you know, Spondyville’s co-founders, Uriah Stoop and Elias Fuselot immortalized their pal, Andrew Tripzen, by naming the cascading waters outside of town, Andy Tripzen Falls … But that’s a whole other story.

This entry was posted in The Haikulodeon. Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s